Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Let's Talk Blogfest.

Thanks for all your generous comments on the Flirty Blogfest.  You guys are too kind. Thanks to Critique this WiP for hosting it. Great job everyone!

Here is my entry for the Let's Talk Blogfest hosted by the amazing and lovely Roni from Fiction Groupie. You must --I repeat-- must check out her site and participate in the Beta Club.  I had a whole other entry but in the end it didn't sound right so here is another from my WiP. I hope this one counts. To keep it short, I threw you into the scene. Anna's friend Bryn just got finished telling her about a new student. That's all I'm saying.

“What?” I looked over at Ivy. She was staring at the locker next to mine. I turned to see what they were looking at. It was the new guy turning his lock.



He looked at me and his eyes locked onto mine. They were so enticing, ice blue and piercing through me. I have one rule until I get to know someone—I never look at them in the eyes. I thought it was the window to the soul and I always felt vulnerable. Superstitious I guess but it's a rule of mine and here I was staring right back at him.


“Hi,” he said softly as one of his blonde locks fell over his forehead. His cologne tickled my nose leaving a light, sweet scent.


I stood there frozen not knowing what to do next. A pit began forming in my stomach and tingles ran down my spine. I hugged my books, bending the pages in my nervous stupor. My heart pounded as my face heated up.


“Stare much?” Veronica said, squinting at me. I didn’t see her slither up next to him. I guess she claimed him already as part of her royal court.

 “Don’t worry, Ian, they’re just the freaks. Just ignore them.”


“That’s not what you said when we were together under the bleachers.” Bryn piped in.


“Really, you're still holding on to that? That was like umpteen years ago. Get over it Bryn.”


Bryn crossed his arms. “I hope Cord knows you're looking for replacements.”


“I was welcoming our new student, who for your information, was introduced to Cord in the parking lot before school,” she said putting her hand on her hip.


“Whatever,” Bryn rebutted.


The second bell rang and Ian shut his locker.


“Ian, Let’s get you to class.” Veronica eyes laid their grasp back onto me.

They slowly walked away and Ian did something that seemed odd. He rolled his eyes at her. Obviously, he didn’t know the power of her royal highness. She didn’t catch it because she was too busy flaunting her pearly whites and flinging her long sandy blonde hair.


“I’ll see you guys in history,” Bryn mumbled and ran off down the hall.


“Wow. What a hottie, huh?” Ivy said. “I think he likes you.”


“What? How did you get that from the two seconds we were together?”


“Anna, that boy looked at you with warm, bedroom eyes. He likes you.”


My eyes bulged at her absurd comment. “No, he doesn’t. I don’t even know him.”


“How did you feel when you two were having a staring contest? Warm and tingly?”


My face turned bright red. She was right but how and why? I don’t know him.


“Do you read minds now?” I squinted.


“No, I know you too well.”


I held my breath watching Veronica and Ian make their way down the hall.


She tilted her head towards my ear. “Fine, don’t believe me but when they turn the corner…if he looks at you… that means he likes you or at least interested.”


We stood there watching and waiting to see as the masses scattered to find their class room. My heart beat harder waiting for the answer. Why was I even concerned about this? Ivy’s out of her mind.

They rounded the corner and as they did his eyes caught mine and a smile snuck up his cheek.


I felt like having a heart attack on the spot.


Ivy lightly punched my arm. “I told you so.”


“That means nothing. We need to get to class.” I started walking. “Do I look fat? I think I gained a few pounds.” I tried to check my butt in the reflection of the trophy case.


“Don’t change the subject. Just face the fact that a guy likes you other than Bryn. It’s a good thing.”


“I don’t need a relationship right now.” I rolled my eyes at her.


“Why?”


“Have you been witnessing my life over the past year? It’s not the healthiest.”


“Then that’s why you need something more normal,” She smiled.


It was true, I did need something more normal but was this ‘the normal’ I was seeking.

I apologize for the roughness of it. I'm still revising. Maybe that was longer than I thought --sorry.

Quick blurb --get over to Chimera Critiques. They are having a contest ending May 31st. Really, get over there. :)

Have a great day!

30 comments:

  1. This was fatastic Christine. I love the whole girly rivalry thing. That was great. And when he turns the corner and smiles, oh my God I was back in high school. Great job.

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  2. Young love!!! I loved it Christine!! A sneak peak into their complicated lives! Bryn is one of my favorite characters he always makes me giggle when he backs his friends up, the witty remarks constantly make me chuckle!

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  3. Loved it, Christine! I was almost holding my breath to see if he'd look back at her or not. And I loved how she checked her butt in the trophy case - how realistic!

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  4. Yay! I'm looking forward to getting to this part. :-) And beyond!

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  5. I love reading about first impressions and people staring at each other. Very enticing! I'd never heard the phrase, "bedroom eyes" before.

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  6. Very cute! I love "a smile snuck up his cheek." I must say, though, I'm quite jealous of these characters because my school days were absolutely nothing like this. You seem to have captured the YA voice very well.

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  7. Love it! The characters are really becoming their own now- you know what I mean? Great job.

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  8. I'm with Piedmont Writer. You captured high school so well! Are you younger than I thought? LOL. Great chemistry, tension and flow of conversation.

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  9. I LOVED it! It was excellent Christine :) Fantastic job, :) I'm with Summer, I can't wait to get here!

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  10. ooooh exciting! I knew a girl like Veronica all through my school years. To this day i still hate her

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  11. Oh, teen angsty conversation. So yummy!

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  12. This was fun to read and has an authentic vibe.

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  13. Great dialogue :) It was fun and authentic. Very much enjoyed this scene. Bryn really jumps off the page!

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  14. OMG, I'm so glad I'm not in high school. No matter how many years pass, I never get far enough away to forget how awful it was always worrying what this person or that person *really* thought about me. Torture. And you've captured it beautifully, Christine.

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  15. Great tension in this scene. Loved it! :)

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  16. This scene took me right back to high school, when young love hit like a lightning bolt I felt down to my shoes. The dialog was authentic and fresh. Well done!

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  17. Wonderful wonderful scene! I really enjoyed this! A great and realistic dialogue.

    Visit My Kingdom Anytime

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  18. Christine, Good dialogue. Young-sounding, though the "bedroom eyes" caught me off-guard, though "bedroom eyes" would have been exactly what we would NOT have said.

    I'm a guy. We'd've used a much cruder axiom for longing eyeballs.

    - Eric

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  19. In my study of Hollywood classics and the critics who analyze them, Robert Mitchum was said to have "bedroom eyes" in his prime. And now, of course, 98% of the people reading this will go : Robert who?

    Sigh. It's hard to like the classics these days.

    Your dialogue is classic though. And not hard to like at all. I wanted to see where this would lead and read more. Great job, Roland

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  20. This is great dialogue! You capture the "meeting HIM for the first time" moment perfectly. I was so rooting her on. Really enjoyable read -- well done! :)

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  21. I really enjoyed your voice!! I think you caught the tension and excitement really well. I especially loved Bryn!!

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  22. Oh those awkward first meetings and loaded glances. You captured it well!

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  23. Good dialogue; mostly easy to follow. A couple times the "she" was ambiguous, but all in all a good conversation. And the awkwardness.

    ........dhole

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  24. This didn't seem rough at all to me. In fact, it seemed very well done! I think we can all relate to a character like Veronica, and how Anna feels. Great work!

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  25. Angsty high school drama captured nicely.:)

    Love,
    Lola

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  26. OOH I love me some YA! I love the angst! Well done Christine!!!

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  27. Okay, now I'm convinced we must be sharing the same brain or something. You have a boy named Ian in one story and a girl named Ivy in another. Me too!! Craziness!!

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  28. Mmmm...I like Ian already. He's being welcomed by the royal court, yet it hold no weight for him. My kinda guy. Good dialogue. Flows well and doesn't feel contrived. Nice!

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  29. Very interesting! I'm curious what happens next-- and I like Ian's eye-rolling too. It does a great job of conveying just that much more of his character in this scene.

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  30. Love the part where he looks back before turning the corner. Great job and thanks so much for participating!

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