Friday, March 19, 2010

Cute snippit.

O.k. so here is a quick snippit from my WIP.  I can't resist talking about these two.  It is really rough so please excuse any mistakes.  I just thought I would share. Thought you might want a cute little blurb for a smile. Anyway, Anna gets food poisioning and needs to stay home and this is what happens.

Sleeping on the bathroom floor was not fun and I don’t recommend it. I can’t believe how much you can throw up even when there is nothing left. I climbed back into bed about when I was supposed to get up for school. My mom came in, put a glass of water on my nightstand and told me she would call the school before work to let them know I needed to stay home today. I texted Ivy to let her know the same. I got a million apologies back from her and that she would call me later.

Amazingly, I fell asleep for a few hours and woke up about lunch time. I didn’t have quite an appetite yet but I needed something. I drug myself out of bed, brushed my teeth which felt awesome and went to the kitchen. Bread seemed to be the only thing that was appealing. I grabbed a roll and lounged on the couch. Daytime TV was a joke but it was mindless so I sat there staring at Judge whoever decide on whether Jim Bob gets money for the electric bill from his fifth ex –wife.



My phone began to buzz. I figured it would be Ivy since it was lunch time –but why was she texting me.


I opened the text message—How r u feeling?----Ian


I stopped breathing. Ian texting me—how did he get my number—wait –Ivy—thank you girlfriend.  A pit of nerves formed in my stomach.


I couldn’t type for a minute—what do I say? Duh?


My fingers started on the keys--- Better. Should be in school tomorrow---Anna


My smile just kept growing as I got an answer --Good. Class is so boring with out you.


I had a million emotions hit me at once and started to cry with joy. He was bored without me. That made any doubt about Ian liking me see a happy ending.


Gotta go—see you tomorrow.


Bye, see you tomorrow.


I wanted to add a smiley face but that would be pushing it.


I sat there in my glory soaking it up for a moment then my phone rang again. This time it was Ivy.


“Hello,” My voice was extremely chipper for someone who was sick.


“Hey there. Feeling better now?” Her voice was in a happy shrill.


“I figured you did it. That made my year. Where are you?”


“On my way to class. I had to call and listen to your happy tones,” I could feel her smile in the way she spoke. “He has your number now. See what he does with it.”


“Did you just give it to him or did he ask for it?”


She paused a moment to make me suffer. “He asked for it. Gotta go, I’m in class talk to you later. Bye.”


“Bye,” I wanted to dance around the room. I hope she didn’t tell him that I was puking my brains out. Then again, he still asked for my number so I guess it doesn’t matter—still embarrassing though.

What do you think? I feel bad because I don't wanna reveal too much.  So I seem to only post cutesy scenes.  Hopefully, I will post some darker ones soon. :)

Have a great weekend!

21 comments:

  1. I love it! So cute.
    And food poisoning is the worst!

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  2. Don't stop there...grrr. I need more!

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  3. Yuck food poisioning is the worst! However I love that you made it a positive, who doesn't love a cute boy texting you and caring about you when you're ill!!

    I loved it I'm curious to know more about this Ian boy and I'm loving Ivy, the friend that can be evil & awesome at the same time!

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  4. It is funny how I notice what needs to be changed. Thanks for the comments guys:)

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  5. gotta find out what happens. btw, i have a puking scene in my one and only chick novel but mine is on an airplane, based on almost actual events.

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  6. This is a cute one :) Reminded me of a discussion I had on a writer's forum I frequent, about writing texting--do you write the words out or do you keep them true to the text? cu 2mrow, etc....It never came to any conclusion, but an interesting topic nonetheless.

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  7. It was great! Very clear, great characterization, and kept moving forward. Very well done.

    My only nitpick is that I think "dragged" is the correct word to use instead of "drug" but then that's probably okay for a YA voice. It just made me think of drugs for a second, because it comes right after "I needed something." But that is totally, completely nitpicky, I know.

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  8. Michelle, your puking scene was so vivid I thought *I* was gonna puke! Which might be a good thing. Or not. I'm not really sure.

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  9. Thanks guys. I really didn't think this piece was that great. I just put it out there for feedback. So thanks:) Christine I thought the same thing after I posted it about the word 'drug'. I think it should be changed too. You are not too nit picky.:)

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  10. No, actually, I think it's quite good! It doesn't seem like a rough draft to me at all.

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  11. I could feel the pain! Nothing worse than being sick. I liked the line about wanting to add a smiley face but thinking that'd be pushing it.

    PS - I've an award for you over at my blog!

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  12. Hey Christine, you inspired me to host a "Cute Fest" at my blog. The Writer's Hole

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  13. Throwing up and being on the bathroom floor are the worst, but this little snippet is so cute. :) Thanks for sharing it.

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  14. Food poisioning.. YUCK! Been there and done that. Great snippet!!! I loved it. : )

    Have a great weekend!!

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  15. Cute excerpt! Makes me want to know more about this Ian boy!

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  16. having just gotten over the flu earlier this week, I can totally relate! It's so awful when you're in it.

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  17. Aww what a sweet excerpt. I liked the line, "I wanted to add a smiley face but that would be pushing it." Haha, it's funny how teenage girls really are overly-conscious about stuff like that.

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  18. Oh no; just enough. I feel 15 again. God, I wish we had this technology then.

    I'd like to add to the sentiments; but the smiley face thing really steals the show here. "I wanted to dance around the room" was good to.

    It was all good. My favorite was the whole sentiment.

    .........dhole

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  19. Cute scene - brings back some high school memories from a long, long time ago! Thanks for sharing, that was fun! There's something for you at my blog.

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  20. Great job. I love her voice. The "judge whatever" part was so clever and true...LOL

    I could feel her excitement! Ah, crushes ;o)

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