Throughout my life this is one thing that I always stumble upon--accepting myself the way I am. I'm not a weirdo or anything. Well, maybe that's an opinion. Since high school, I've tried my best to fit in and found I really only fit in with the kids who didn't. Even then, I sometimes felt like a poseur, a person just accepted because I was nice, not for who I really was. Who was I? I really didn't know. But that's high school. You're looking for something, something that makes you not feel like you are a total outcast, a total zero.
Now, some of you may feel differently and that's fine. You may say, I like who I am and those who don't can just deal. So, you don't have to read the rest of this. I won't bore you. At times, I put this game face on, but deep down, I know I'm still looking. Even as an adult, I try my best to just fit in. I can relate to a lot of different types of folks so I'm not a total social idiot. I'm civil, in fact, I can be down right happy, but there is always something that never feels entirely real, like does this person really understands me, or are just being nice because they think I'm weird or not genuine or not serious. It's hard to describe, this feeling of acceptance.
So, at every stage in my life I try to learn who I am. What makes me...me?
Some things have changed since high school. I'm definitely more confident, and more determined to get what I want. Some things have not--taste in music, books, TV shows, all seem to stay the same. I'm finally have realized that writing is the one passion, I should've figured out sooner. Really, all the signs were there, I guess my brain wasn't. When I entered this whole writing world, I felt like, wow, this is me, totally, and it is, I just have to realize that I may still be the outsider in some situations. I have to keep doing what I want to do and not worry what others think of me. Sure, I'm not the coolest, obviously, I'm not the smartest, the most technical, or the most popular. I have to accept what I am good at, what makes me happy, as for my shortcomings, I must figure out how to make them better. I have to accept what is in my life and that I can't do it all. I can't keep up with some people and that's okay.
Learning to accept who you are is just that--you must learn it, and yes, there will be many times of why don't they like me, but you know what, you have something that's totally different, maybe making some people wish they had that too, they just don't say it. We can't please everyone. Another thing I have issues with, since that's all I felt like I had to do, please people, but I'm learning that you can't and it's okay. Pleasing yourself is the best feeling in the world.
I guess that's why I write YA. I wish I was more like my characters in high school. Going out with a totally hot guy, having some sort of super power on a rollercoaster ride to solving mysteries and dealing with super villians who are trying to take over the world. Hey, one can dream.
Have you had issues with accepting yourself?
Have a great day!
