You that time when you are about to embark on something that scares the crap out of you. You mentally prepare yourself to take the next step. Some of you may just jump in and that's awesome. I sometimes do, but if it involves my stomach to churn and my mind has time to think about it, I mentally prepare for the worst. I know what a negative way to think, but if something good happens then it's a pleasant surprise. I do have a better mindset then I did a month ago. Instead of dwelling on things, I'm accepting. If I can't change it, then don't worry about it.
Here's my deal. I'm getting to the point that I'm learning to accept that this manuscript may not the one that will get me an agent. Why? I don't know. I feel it. I see all these horror stories and am told your first manuscript never gets it. You need to learn, grow, strengthen, and write more novels (that's what I've read). I'm not giving up. I'm accepting reality. Am I going to query this? Absolutely, I'm going to query it. I've been working on it for 3 years. After this last go around to the betas, it's going out. I have to give it closure. It's dying and I have to bury it, let it go. I can't write anything else until this one is at rest and I can't just put it away in a drawer, I have to literally let it go.
I love this story and these characters and part of me thinks I'm the only one who does. That I keep holding on to some delusion that it's awesome. So there it is. I'll wipe my hands free of it the end of January. Let it go and let the big "R's" roll in. Okay, I know what some of you are saying, "Wait, you never know what can happen." I know, anything is possible, but I'm being realistic. I'm happy where I am. I can't begin to tell you how much I've learned on this manuscript. It's definitely improved a lot. I mean A LOT. I know what to apply to my future manuscripts. The next one is written it needs tweaking so maybe that one will be the one. I know I'm jumping the gun in my thoughts and I'm not sad or depressed, in fact, happy to know there will be closure. I will continue to grow and learn with another story.
I'm not giving up that would be crazy. I'm not giving in. I'm prepping my mind to move on. Get through this and keep going. I have so many other stories to tell, and until this one is gone, I can't continue. Now, if I can just stop worrying about what the betas will say. :)
Do you mentally prep for big leaps in your life?
Have a great day!
