Thursday, September 13, 2012

Invisible

I have to say there are times when I feel this way. Invisible. I'm sure I don't help myself in this department. I'm relatively a quiet person when I'm in a crowd and I don't have a unique look or really brighten up a room when I enter. There are times I wonder what I could to differently to shine a little more. To be remembered more often.

As a kid, I was the same way. Very shy and very quiet. In high school, I had my friends and did well, but I was no homecoming queen. I joined the drama club thinking that maybe I could shine on stage and be a little more noticed. I wound up better at backstage activities--sets and scripts. After high school, I saw some fellow students that never uttered a glance at me in school, they said,"I wish we would've hung out because you're really nice." So why didn't they? Am I that threatening? But let's face it, it's high school and we know that deal. We write YA.

When I got into the work force, I just did what I was told and never did anything spectacular (I'm a pleaser by nature). Over the years, I've gained more confidence, and yeah, I'm social, but I still seem to project some weird awkward vibe that seems to make me blend. I'm sure it's not intentional, but I feel forgotten sometimes. Now, I'm not saying I don't forget folks, trust me I have a I-know-faces-not-names memory, and yes, I forget now and again. I'm talking in general, more like I'm just familiar to most and that's it. Maybe that's part of my many insecurities. People are busy and so am I, but I wonder if I'm just one of those who is just there. Ya know one of those people who are there all the time but you only see them when you need them. Maybe I'm too private. I don't express myself enough--put my life out there for the world to see so they can relate. I know it's something I should ignore, and to be honest, I've gotten better at doing things for me and not worrying about what others think. But sometimes this insecurity creeps in maybe to remind me of something or to just throw me off. Now that I'm older, I still wonder if I'm still invisible. What makes me shine? Do people even remember me?

So with that out of my head, I'm off to worry about my characters and figure out what do next in my story. I also have to research some more agents and send more queries. :)

Do you write (maybe in a journal) to get your feelings out?

Have you ever felt invisible?

Have a great day!!

7 comments:

  1. IDK what's better Christine, because people usually hear me, long before they see me! Sometimes, I wish I could just shut up and master "quiet and invisible". But when I'm nervous, I do the exact opposite. I am supremely friendly, and I can't tell you how many people claim to know me, but honestly, I only allow very few people to know the real me, under that friendly facade!

    And I've kept a journal since I was a kid. Don't think I could fall asleep without writing in it.

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  2. Around girls back in high school, yes!
    Like you, I'm the shy and quiet type. Often people are just drawn to me and I always end up in a conversation. No idea why.
    You're not invisible here!

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  3. I can sure relate to this post. I grew up 'invisible' which probably had a lot to do with being a middle child in a large family. To be honest, the older I get, the more I like obscurity--the more I cherish my privacy. The people important to me are the ones who notice and remember--that is surely the case for you also. So, we are not as invisible as we sometimes feel!

    Besides that, we have very rich interior lives! :)

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  4. Oh yes! I have definitely felt invisible at times. I still have a hard time at events with lots of people -- and definitely at book events. I tend to hug the wall and skirt the room, not sure whether I'd be welcome if I tried to join a conversation circle.

    I'm getting better at it, though. Seeing many of the same faces at these local events has helped. I'm still not great with complete and utter strangers, but I'm working on it!

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  5. I often feel invisible in social situations. I'm an introvert and don't like to talk much--which in itself doesn't particularly help. I do write in a journal, though not only when I'm feeling frustrated about my quiet state.

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  6. Oh yes, I was invisible all through school. And I preferred it that way back then, since I was painfully shy. I think most writers are introverts. Most. Not all.

    And Christine, if it helps -- I think you do shine. I got to know you first through your blog and then in person, and you have a lot going for you. For one thing, you're a good listener. I know I talked your ear off that day!

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  7. Wow. This was an ironically appropriate post to tell you that I just tagged you in GUTGAA's "Tag, You're It" game.

    You'll see it on my website. Just copy the questions and tell us about yourself! Also, I remembered your name as soon as I saw it, even though it's been two years since you were on Chimera Critiques (I can't remember what I had for lunch, so that's saying something) Clearly, you're quite memorable. :) Have fun playing tag!

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