Monday, April 23, 2012

Learning to be a mom

I'm not a great mom. Trust me, no one is giving me a mom of the year award. I know, hard to believe, but I see other moms who are so much better. Downer, right? The thing is I'm not a natural at it. I thought for a long time that kids were what I wanted, and since my mom did it and did it well that I could too. The fact is--we are all different. I like kids when they are about 6 and not super needy. I know selfish, but I'm being honest. I've had to learn how to be a mom through life, through doing, and living it.

There's no book that tells you. Oh sure, there are million out there, and I've read quite a few, but guess what, they all don't apply to your situation or you child's behavior. You can take some of the advice, but don't follow it word by word. Same goes for other people's advice (take your own mom for example). There's only so much that applies. Different times, different situations, different feelings. I love my kids and I love being around them, but the way my mom makes it sound I should love it more. The truth is I need time, to myself. I just do. It helps me stay sane, but for others it may not.

Same goes for writing. No one can tell you how to approach writing a novel. Yes, there are certain guidelines and rules, but let's be real, they can be broken. There's also tons of self help books. I've read some, and they can help, but you have to decide how. You have to live life and learn. The grass may look greener in someone elses' field, but you don't know their situation. I'm sure they have weaknesses, or faults or just different everything. Just like many things in life, you learn through living and figuring out how to do things the way you need too.

I read something recently that, in so many words, said that writing was just a hobby if it took you more than a year to write a novel. Seriously? I'm serious about my writing. I know deep down I'm not stopping--ever. Yes, I write slow, I have other things in my life that I can't ignore, so if it takes me a year, it takes me a year. Not that I like how long it takes (I'm only getting older), but that's how I can. Just like being a mom, I do what I can and I figure out how I can do it--my way. I also try to figure out how to do it while chasing my passion. There is no right answer.

This can also apply to any aspect in life. I just happen to be a mom a lot, like all the time, I can turn it off or clock out, I've tried. :)

Do you believe the school of life shapes how you can juggle your situation and the way you learn?

Have a great day!


  1. I'm sure you are a fantastic mom! As in most things in life, you have to find 'your' way, what comes natural to you, and not worry about how someone else does it. Their way might work for them, but it probably doesn't for you. The trick is to be comfortable in your own mommy skin. Not always easy, but doable.

  2. Oh, I hear you about the mom thing. Books make it sound easy. Well those authors need to spend a day with MY kids. That will put an end to their theories.

    That hobby comment must have been made by my father. He referred to my writing last year as a hobby!!!! Fortunately my husband takes it more seriously than that.

  3. Yay for saying this, about motherhood and writing.

    In writing, at least,the results are more tangible. Though it does take time for almost everyone. Like motherhood advice, writers don't always understand that what works for them won't work for everyone

    ...and some who spout advice/edicts about how writing/motherhood should be done are only trying to make their own successes, failures and insecurities seem better.

  4. Learning to do it your own way is hard, but for me it's the only thing that works. Someone TELLING me how to do things never goes down well. I make mistakes, but at least I learn for the next time!

  5. If it takes over a year to write a book? Hey, I'm a hobby author then!
    And I KNEW being a parent would not be my gig. That's why my wife and I have no kids.

  6. I hope I'm a good mom. My baby is due in 18 days, and I've taken some parenting classes, but man I hope I figure out what I'm doing pretty quick. LOL.

  7. I always say being a parent is the most humbling thing you will ever do. Writing is a close second. I talked a lot of smack about both, at times saying "I would never.."

    One thing I've learned (having three kids in three years, and having a few WIPS and manuscripts under my belt) I DON'T EVER SAY NEVER, ANYMORE!! LOL

  8. Amen! There are no rules, no absolutes and YOU-MUST-NOTS in writing. The only thing you have to do is put down words. You'll figure it out as you go and everyone figures out their own method in their own way and time. If your children are growing and thriving and are happy and your relationship with them is growing and thriving, seems to me you must be doing pretty okay.

  9. I think life makes you stronger. No one is perfect. And that's not a bad thing. =)

  10. Hey if you feel guilty about it, you must be doing something RIGHT! LOL, just sayin'...

    So true, everyone has to find their own way and don't let anyone tell you differently!

  11. Personally, I think if a person writes a novel in less than a year it might be a bit too sloppy. I'm learning to slow down and revise, revise, edit, and edit. :)