It feels like this whole month has been about reflection for me. I've made a ton of mistakes over the past few years in my writing life and I'm sure I'll make more. I've let my thirst for a certain goal blind my focus. You've heard this before and it's nothing new. I think I'm trying so hard, but wind up getting beat down, which comes with the territory. The thing is I'm searching for a certain support from someone whom I love. I feel like no matter how hard I try, my writing seems a mediocre feat in this person's eyes.
I can't ignore all the support I've had from everyone, not only in this community, but in my daily life. It's beyond words and I can't be more thankful. But you know how you just want that one person to believe in you. Even if they say they do, there's that hint of doubt when they smile or that haze when you talk about a victory. My writing is me and I can't let that go so why can't this person see.
I keep going to prove that I can do this, to show that this is what I am. I've never written this into words before and I've been holding on to it for years. I know deep down this person loves me with all their heart and I love them. I just want to stop feeling guilty for writing, I want this person to truly believe in me.
Sorry for the sappiness today. I needed to release this, and well, I feel a little better. I probably am at fault because I keep a lot of my writing a secret. I guess because this person never seemed to care about it. And maybe they do and they're too afraid to show it. I don't know. It's one of those things. No paycheck then why spend the time type of thing. At least, that's the impression I get.
Anywho, what's buggin' you today?
Have a great day!!