Well, I'm still here. Yep, revising. I swear I'm the slowest person on the planet. That's probably a bad thing to admit, but well, it happens. Anyway, it's times like these where my mind wanders and I start to daydream, not only about my books, but I look at where I want to be. Of course, I have to keep everything in perspective and be happy with where I am now, but I'm also human.
I know we all have that dream. You know the one. Where you get the awesome agent, sign a great book deal, travel all over the country signing, and then maybe a movie deal gets thrown in. Yeah. That one. I do have it now and again, but then I have one that's more realistic. Agent, small book deal, local signings. Then as I continue down my path, let's just say lately, my dream has gotten smaller. I try to focus and push forward, and for the most part it's worked, but there's a tinging like a little bell reminding me that I'm me. Sounds crazy, but all my life I've worked my tail off to get what I want and most of the time it falls short. It's like I'm almost there, but . . . type thing.
In life there is always something--an obstacle. Something that continually blocks you or holds you back. Lately, that's what I've been feeling. And as I look back on my journey, I notice it. Almost to the point where I say, "I get it, I suck."
But I still try to push forward a heavy boulder that insists on shoving me backwards. Every avenue I've pursued comes to a dead end. The thing is I don't know what I'm looking for--a light, a positive notion to say, "yes you are getting there." I know things don't happen overnight and I write what I want to write not "the trend", but it sucks to see the trend coming around and the book that you wrote could be in it except no one wanted it. It's like I missed my chance or I'm running to catch it. Always on the tail end. As for the one I'm writing now, I feel like I'm going to have the same outcome. Don't yell, I need to be positive, I know.
It's all part of the path. Writing isn't easy and I'm certainly not the only person this has happened to. I get that. The whole either suck it up or get out. Totally get it. I'm a fighter and I don't know what I would do without writing. I would be empty.
I guess in the end, it's a moment. A moment where you're not sure where to turn or even what to think. You know where you want to be and where you are, and even the path to get there, but every branch you take snaps before you can get to the other side.
Has this happened to you?
Have a great day!