Friday, May 10, 2013

The Dream

Well, I'm still here. Yep, revising. I swear I'm the slowest person on the planet. That's probably a bad thing to admit, but well, it happens. Anyway, it's times like these where my mind wanders and I start to daydream, not only about my books, but I look at where I want to be. Of course, I have to keep everything in perspective and be happy with where I am now, but I'm also human.

I know we all have that dream. You know the one. Where you get the awesome agent, sign a great book deal, travel all over the country signing, and then maybe a movie deal gets thrown in. Yeah. That one. I do have it now and again, but then I have one that's more realistic. Agent, small book deal, local signings. Then as I continue down my path, let's just say lately, my dream has gotten smaller. I try to focus and push forward, and for the most part it's worked, but there's a tinging like a little bell reminding me that I'm me. Sounds crazy, but all my life I've worked my tail off to get what I want and most of the time it falls short. It's like I'm almost there, but . . . type thing.

In life there is always something--an obstacle. Something that continually blocks you or holds you back. Lately, that's what I've been feeling. And as I look back on my journey, I notice it. Almost to the point where I say, "I get it, I suck."

But I still try to push forward a heavy boulder that insists on shoving me backwards. Every avenue I've pursued comes to a dead end. The thing is I don't know what I'm looking for--a light, a positive notion to say, "yes you are getting there." I know things don't happen overnight and I write what I want to write not "the trend", but it sucks to see the trend coming around and the book that you wrote could be in it except no one wanted it. It's like I missed my chance or I'm running to catch it. Always on the tail end. As for the one I'm writing now, I feel like I'm going to have the same outcome. Don't yell, I need to be positive, I know.

It's all part of the path. Writing isn't easy and I'm certainly not the only person this has happened to. I get that. The whole either suck it up or get out. Totally get it. I'm a fighter and I don't know what I would do without writing. I would be empty.

I guess in the end, it's a moment. A moment where you're not sure where to turn or even what to think. You know where you want to be and where you are, and even the path to get there, but every branch you take snaps before you can get to the other side.

Has this happened to you?

Have a great day!


7 comments:

  1. As long as you are moving forward, something is happening. Just don't short change your dream and keep your goal in front of you.
    Never had the agent dream. Probably a good thing I didn't.

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  2. I can relate to things taking too long, Christine, believe me. And I am a slow writer, too. I started my current wip back in December and I'm still not done!

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  3. I've had the honor of reading some of your writing, Christine, and it's great! So don't sell yourself short. It's only a question of the right editor or agent at the right time. It will happen. Maybe a small press, who knows?

    I've been at this a lot longer than you, and I'm probably slower. I started my current rough draft last fall. Thought I could do it in six months, but... The rough draft is always excruciating for me. That's why I procrastinate and write all those little flash fiction pieces instead. :)

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  4. Yes, this has happened to me, and I would have given up long ago if ... wait, I DID give up. Oh yeah. After a couple rejections, I started writing only for myself and any friends/family interested in reading and never ventured any further. I took no risks.

    Then my husband nabbed my stuff and started submitting it on my behalf.

    Even so, it took YEARS. Did you see that pictorial essay I did last week? Believe me, none of those old manuscripts are worth going back to retrieve. I wasn't ready back then. But I got better with practice.

    You don't suck. You are on your learning path. The length of that path is different for everybody. The only way to get to the end is to keep walking.

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  5. Yes, its happened...to all of us. There like panic attacks. One moment you think you're dying, the next you can't believe how silly you feel. This too shall pass! :)

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  6. Has it happened to me?!? HELL YES, for the better part of six years! I've been up and down and all around but then I put my feet right back on that path, even if only to move one inch. XO

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  7. We've all been there. A writer on Verla Kay, and my mine went blank as to who, wrote about this. She had a sign above her desk. I immediately printed up one for me. It hangs on the bulletin board right above my desk. "Someday I may give up. But today is not that day." It still keeps me going!

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